Our mentality with problems.

 Emotions are a powerful thing. Sometimes they are too powerful, and they control us, how we react. Since our emotions can control how we react, we need to find ways to stay calm and not let our emotions take over. Just letting your emotions influence you is like going on autopilot. Anger, for example, is a very strong emotion.

When people get into arguments, anger can rise quickly, especially if it is something very important. When we are angry, we say things that we don’t always mean, which can break relationships, both friends and couples. Now, if you mix anger with sadness, things will get even more crazy. Not only do you have words of hurt, but now there is crying and screaming on top of it.

This can go the other way too. There is a quote from David Esabwa that says “Do not make promises when you are happy, either way, never make decisions when you are angry.” When we are happy, we should not make promises. Why? This can lead to unwanted problems if we can’t follow through. We leave the other person disappointed, and we give ourselves unnecessary guilt and stress. If we make decisions when we are angry, this leaves us wide open for Satan to take control and convince us to do things that we would never normally do. What does this do for how we solve problems?

How we control our emotions will determine how we solve our problems. Emotions are needed so that we react to things. In a way, our fight, flight, or freeze response is acted on by emotions. Trauma is something that happens to us, and our emotions recall how we felt at that moment to protect us. Our emotions are a safety mechanism, but if we let them control us it won’t be good.

For some people, when they get yelled at or sternly talked to, they either shout back or cower and cry. I’m weird, I can just take being yelled at and mostly stay calm. I don’t know why I can. From an early age I have been able to be oddly calm during arguments. Either I don’t care about the argument or I know it’s easier not to bother speaking my opinion. I would rather not fight and argue, it just seems like a bunch of emotions got built up, and they had to go somewhere. So, rather than making it worse by throwing more emotion into the situation, I let them get it all out. Now most people should not do this. I only do it because I can usually forget what happened in the argument and by the next day, be happy and calm. 

Dealing with arguments should not be screaming matches, but we still need to talk about the issues we have. Lack of communication, the right kind of communication, can also lead us down a bad path. Lack of talking means nothing gets solved, and the problems just keep building. How do we find the balance? The first thing, in my opinion, is to turn to the Lord. 

If we turn to the Lord, we will be calmer, and He will give us the strength to do and say what we need to, as long as we ask for His help. The Lord is eagerly waiting to help us. Just open the door. The second thing we could do is to make sure we have as much fun with our family, as much as we work. The things of this world will not continue with us, the only thing that does is our relationships. We should do our best to be good to those we care about. This is not just our family but rather everyone we meet. The Lord cares about everyone and we should do the same. Lastly, we need to find healthy ways to deal with our struggles and bad emotions. Communicating and finding what works best for you and your spouse.

Our relationships need to go both ways, be good for both people. Inquire the Lord, find out what both of you need to do and make decisions with your spouse. Do everything together, don’t let others drive a wedge in your marriage, whether they mean to or not. Always make it you and your spouse.


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